Thursday, January 19, 2017

You know when your on a downhill struggle into the abiss and the light has left you behind, another death of a close young family member was really the last straw..

I cannot contemplate leaving Franco again, I have done something, a fundraising thing, I had thought of it, well needs must and we need...

I am overwhelmed with the love and outpouring of support we are receiving...

I actually got out of this house yesterday for an hour and half when family visited.

Went for a short walk with neighbour and their dog.  Fresh air for the first time in two weeks, nearly.

Soon home, one week two days of desperation to be home with Franco. The time must fly... Then so shall I.


Friday, January 13, 2017

So just read this morning about stress causing heart disease... They can test if you have some whatsit

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2017/01/11/scientists-finally-discover-stress-causes-heart-attacks-strokes/

or other in your brain...

Okay, can't link on my properly...

After my mom passed away, I was left with MVP, and SVT and dangerously high BP...

I wonder... You hear don't you of couples dieing within days, weeks... Of each other, I wonder if this substance some people have is what causes this phenomenon, they say always, 'it was a broken heart...' I think maybe it's closer to the truth than anyone ever realised until now...


Phew well okay getting the hang of positioning these photos using the the smallest part of my finger! Lol

Bit of sleety snow yesterday afternoon, and overnight a few millimeters, when I took bin out this morning, photograph at end!!

Been here a week, I want to go, it's hard, did I tell you lady is mourning her husband... I keep just wanting to run run run away, run home, get home... Two weeks to go, I can't bear it, trying not to cry all the time in front of her is hard, I'm being as positive as always for her, for the people I support I can do, but for me... No.




Sunday, January 08, 2017

Sunday today, I arrived here, Herefordshire on Friday, flight was okay, train to Gloucester, then it should have been bus and cab, but it was raining and I got a cab from Gloucester! Cost a bit but will reclaim it when I leave here.

It's been foggy last two days, we're in a blanket of it here, no sign of surroundings.  Out in a small village, without shop or paths! Taxi driver hadn't even heard of it!

Ran out of milk yesterday, the smallest size carton ever, skimmed! Arh! I need those good fats in the full fat please!

I ended up asking a neighbour I had never met for some this morning, it's ridiculous that I have no access to milk, and nothing of my choice at all for a week, the shopping is only on Thursdays...

Not able to sleep, I know I haven't been sleeping properly anyway, but I am being woken up a great deal and then can't get back to sleep... no breaks either, I mean nowhere to go anyway, and sit up in a room with a window I can't see out of!! No.

Mmmmm well about three hours have passed since above paragraph!

Lunch done, porridge and milk arrived, thankfully!

This must for many reasons be the hardest placement I have had, mainly because I just shouldn't be here! And supporting someone else who has suffered losses is not helping at all... keeping it together is giving me a headache, a real one.

My need to flee is very real and very urgent, and I can see Franco in my minds eye at home, and that's where I should be and want to be, and trying to be positive with words for a customer talking about the future makes me come to only a dark black wall in my mind, one too high to see over and there is no way around it...
I've never seen this wall of nothingness before.  It's scary.


Thursday, January 05, 2017

Just having a practice at Blogging on my phone; I'm not going to take my laptop, it's not too heavy, but I just can't be bothered... I'll have my Kindle for (small) TV, this and that do internet, I was taking the camera, but also can't be bothered to take that either, it's this little phone that will do it all, and its counterpart I also always carry with me, one can never be too careful...

Neither of us sleep well, for obvious reasons, and last night I tried to knock myself out! Unintentionally of course, although I have read somewhere nothing happens unintentionally... Like when I broke my little toe!?! Oh what happened? I got back into bed and misjudged it, slammed my head into the wall, above my right ear on that but that sticks out, sort of level with the forehead... Well on me anyway, it's the same on the other side, not a lump :-) but it still hurts! I think along with the virtigo which is getting better every day, that something is telling me not to go anywhere... Well, sorry universe, I have to...

Now... Going to upload a photograph here!




It's worked! The photo bit usually does, it's trying to get the next paragraph to start on the left not central, I'd have to have finger tips the size of Barbie's to hit that bar easier! If I zoom in to get the choice more manageable, the box disappears somewhere unattainable! So it's miniature or forgot it!

For future reference, if I can't get it straight off I won't be bothering!

So, I'm packed, the bag is light, and if I haven't got it, I'll have to be without it for three weeks, just need meds today from chemist, for Franco and me!

We have dog food for a month, more water than the resivoir!

A Kings cake to finish! (Just kidding). Freezer is stocked..Tank of fuel for Franco to go hither and thither! We used one of the many new gas stations recently popped up, no shop, no staff and very cheap fuel, even takes cash, you put notes (only), or credit cards in, the amount of filling up, then it gives out the fuel, if there's insufficient space for what you've paid for it credits your card or with cash prints out some sort of credit note? Not sure how that works...

Friend is going to walk the Pipster every day for us, shout out to Franco.  Friends will pop in, call, and or see him about town and coast. All bases covered... Apart from me being where I want to be, here, at home.

See you from England amigos!
TTNF
Marian



Tuesday, January 03, 2017

Over the years, many it feels now, I have completed the journeys through Blooming Human and Gratitude, on-line groups, 40 days usually of emails filled with positivity and thoughts on life... They have helped me through many parts of my life since, but along with the Inspirational quotes I have, had, been posting daily from my email box to my Facebook page... these things seem rather fruitless, empty words... I am a positive person by nature, always finding the good out of the bad, always happy and laughing, always a smile... I find myself now just with nothing much on my face at all... a real bad screensaver face permanently etched there, here... People who I would normally see are having to call to me, or come across the street, or shout at me.. period!



Three mountain shots taken up at El Chorro

I usually see everything, things people wouldn't even normally see, as so many of my photographs prove to the point!

Today I spoke with a friend on the phone on my way into town, I was in the Plaza Legion, I must have looked strange from anyone watching me! pacing about, holding the rail, stepping from ledge to ledge like a big kid!  Talking, crying, talking... then she wouldn't leave me until I stopped crying so I recalled a moment from long ago, and we laughed and we hung up the line...

Next a stopover in friends shop in town, cup of tea and chat and some strength gathered along the way, and in the street stopped to talk to a friend, we normally see each dog walking, and I know, now she is reading this! LOL! Welcome!!

I do some of the people who read my Blog, but going by the mail I receive the majority I do not... You guys have been with me some time now... This one has been going ten years... no eleven now!!!  and I blogged before that on Blogspirit, but I think its gone now, which is sad, also a Blog I wrote on behalf of my step dad was on Blogspirit and I cannot gain access to that one either... I am guessing I started back in 2003 then...

Flowers by the Kiosko

Eucalyptus tree
We came out of the bar before lunch and my camera was free to live and possess what my eye came upon.. so the flowers and the eucalyptus, I love eucalyptus trees, the height of them, the bark, the smell... and the memories of them... lining the road near my uncles Charlies in Yonkers...

Roaring fire in Kiosko
 This was the fire crackling and spitting throughout our lunch... should have actually recorded it shouldn't I?  Would have been more effective maybe!

Wind turbines in the clouds
and the aforementioned wind turbines in the clouds....

This taken from my secret location!!  lol

Well, what have we been doing since last posting? was new years eve... and today is the 3rd!  I sadly still feel the memories strongly at this time seven years ago... and it was exactly seven years ago on Friday when I am travelling to Bristol airport that I flew to Luton from Malaga, to get to my mom urgently, I thought it was today, the 3rd, but just reading back to then, it was the 6th January 2010... I can't believe its seven years, I wish I could fly over there now, get to Watford hospital and find my mom still there, boy would she be annoyed with me!! lol... but just to talk to her, get comfort from her...  Seven years...

Anyways, yesterday Franco woke up with the need for [more] suckling pig!  So off to the coast we went and after many stores we found 'him' in Eroski! Eroski is closing did I mention that? Yes, I think so!  And today after getting home from town Franco had already got him roasting in the oven, he had named him!!! Really!! Enrique!! So we had to eat something with a name!! Arrrhh!!  He also, in the photo Franco put on Facebook bore a strong resemblance to Pippa when she is sleeping!!

Down town I needed to get a few last things to take with me to work on Friday, allowed ten 100ml bottles, which is fine, just enough for three weeks hopefully, because there are no shops anywhere near where I am going!!  I thought I would go into the perfumaria instead for the few things, what a mistake!! Apart from the cost being higher I forgot Christmas present buying is in full swing and all packages are wrapped here... so stood in the line for about twenty minutes!!

A positive note though, our gorgeous baby granddaughter is now two years old! Already! Impossible I know!  We spent time on Facebook cam which was lovely, no substitute I know, but a million times better than past generations had the benefit of... photographs below taken in late November when we were visiting, Cassie and Franco relaxing and chatting on the sofa...

Cassy at Christmas keeping warm :-) 

Todays weather has been beautiful, a bit misty over the Guadalhorce valley from out of the window just now, but the sun is shining and the flies are out!!! Whats with those flies?? Could it be the piglet!!

TTFN


Saturday, December 31, 2016

Last day of 2016 New Years eve... all roads lead to here each year...


Screenshot of our travels on Christmas day... We went out on the dark blue line and came home along the paler blue!  Love these phones, written in history our every move, for good or for bad...


It was a bit cloudy at home, but much better once we got further inland, sky opened up for miles on end... although I did get some great shots of the wind turbines, their bases firmly fixed upon the earth and their blades hidden in the clouds...

We went first to have a coffee in the Kiosko at the lakes, we booked a table for two in the restaurant there for one pm... la una!  We finished our coffees and walked around to the dam... not as much water as we thought there would be, expected it to be full to bursting with all the rain we've had recently, but it wasn't even over the steps near the dam at all!!


At one we were back to the Kiosko for lunch, upstairs, by the roaring fire... No starters, Franco had piglet, and I had kid!  Sorry my friends who don't eat meat, we really went the whole 9 yards didn't we with our food!  It was wonderful, both with roast potatoes and veggies, I had a small glass of house red, which actually was very nice, and cremé brulés for us both for desert!

We took our time and chatted with a neighbouring table, three people from Wales!!  Bridgend and Porthcawl! Bizarre bizarre!!  But live here in Spain too, Álora.


After lunch we took to the car and took to the road, up past Bobastro and to our secret place up a narrow road, I took a fair few photographs from up there, [more to follow].


We came home via Álora as it happens and then followed the road all the way to Cartáma Estacion, the long route we call it, and have only done it once before!!  So a way bigger distance that we thought we were going to do!  But no matter, a beautiful day, making beautiful memories...


Franco is doing great!  Eating like a horse! [sorry!!], we had x-ray results which we had had taken because of bad pain in his neck and back, they showed there is nothing wrong with his spine or joints, although of course it did mean the pain is because of the tumour, Franco and I are out and about! Day before yesterday we went to Calahonda and had coffee with a friend, used to be our neighbour down in the duplex when we lived down there.  It was an emotional cup of coffee, for all three of us. Difficult.

We also bought cannelloni, we had been looking everywhere for it and found it eventually in Super Sol down at El Zoco in Calahonda!

I had overdone things on the lap top and compressed something in my neck, which is starting to ache again now, so not looking at the screen at all while I am typing now, to avoid a repeat of it!  I had vertigo!! Thought it was my ear problem come back, but no earache, just neck ache! Stupid stupid me, I panicked, couldn't think how I can go to work like this! Idiot!  Then toothache yesterday, also getting better, I am having trouble coping, period, don't need all this on top, I have to be okay to... be okay...  Franco needs me to be okay!

TTFN
Marian

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Nearly Christmas 2016

Sunrise Alhaurín El Grande

Well, what haven't we done since last posting... We had Francos first phsio session, some good ideas to help with his back and shoulder pain, and also an appointment with the nurse from our local clinico, two full hours with him, amazing length of time, an interpreter on the phone too, the doctor wrote notes while we were answering his questions, so I know he does understand much of what we say, exactly as we understand much of what he says, but to make sure, and no mistakes... better to be safe.

He also made an appointment immediately for more x-rays, the date was for about two weeks time, but he got it changed and we had the x-rays two days ago already!  He called in the morning to say he had brought it forward and to collect paperwork from clinico and then go up to Coín to have them done, we did, and they were!

Sunset Alhaurín El Grande

I can't think where we have been!! To Mijas Pueblo the other day, Monday it was... photographs below, not sure what had happened over the past weekend, there were these statues down in the new Plaza, miniature versions of Paris' Eiffel Tower, Londons Big Ben [St Stevens Tower] and Rio's Jesus the Redeemer...


We've been to Fuengirola, Miramar.... The Sunday car boot sale at La Trocha...

Christmas cards coming though the post, thank you.... I'm sorry only the boys and our grand daughter have cards this years, and my lateness in sending them, via Moonpig means they probably won't make it before Christmas at all!

We got one card yesterday, no, yes or the day before?  It had no envelope, Franco said maybe they delivered it by hand!  Although not sure if my cousin and his 102 year old dad popped over from UK to do so without knocking on the door!!!  The idea was nice!

My confusion is because I had a migraine yesterday, a bad one, it started int he middle of the night, been having a lot of nighttime headaches recently but they faded with the day, this one didn't.  And I got up in the hope, fed Pippa and had to get back to bed, I got up another time in search of the meds I shouldn't take to cure the pain, couldn't find the one I knew I still had left... that was I don't know what time, but I got up again early evening and found it, took it and went back to bed, so two hours later I more myself and got up, watched a movie with Franco which stated about ten pm and then went back to bed until six thirty this morning.  I am lucky, not had a bad one like this for such a long time now, maybe once this year before it? Franco and I can't remember, it used to be we couldn't remember a week when I hadn't had one!! Hate missing days.

Have a good Christmas everyone, make it a good one, make everyone the best one...

TTFN
Marian